Excerpt
LISA

“Oh my God!” I screamed while squeezing my son Juan’s hand…nails and all.

My contractions were less than two minutes apart and I knew that my baby would be coming any minute. I wasn’t even eight months yet but obviously my baby boy could no longer wait. I tried so hard to leave the drugs alone, but I guess that last line put me straight into early labor. Continuous nightmares of Carlos’ death kept me awake almost every night, so my occasional sniffs here and there had obviously taken it’s toll on my unborn seed.
 

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“Please give me something. This shit hurts!” I yelled.

“Sorry, Mrs. Sanchez, it’s too late for an epidural. You’re already ten centimeters. We don’t even have time to take you to a normal delivery room. You’re gonna need to be strong. The worst of it is almost over,” the emergency room doctor informed me. I could barely understand what he was saying through his thick Arabian accent.

“Yes, please try and calm down. You’re gonna need your energy to push,” the nurse added.

“Fuck calming down. You come do this shit since you think it’s so easy,” I shot back as another contraction quickly approached.

The nurse and I had been on bad terms since I arrived twenty-five minutes ago. I snapped on her each time she asked me one of those dumb-ass hospital questions. I then became furious once the questions turned to my prenatal care. Her interrogation was irritating, especially when she gave me a, I think you’re lying look. It was almost as if she could read my mind…like she was calling me out on all my bullshit.

A single tear ran down my left cheek as I thought about what I’d put my baby through over these past few months. Monthly doctor visits had become nonexistent and I couldn’t even remember the last time I took a prenatal vitamin or ate something healthy. I hadn’t even had a sonogram. Even though I loved my baby, I guess the fact that I still hadn’t gotten over Carlos’ death had clouded my judgment. Now, God was punishing me. I guess I deserved it.

“Okay, here’s another one. Juan, I need you to hold your mom’s leg all the way back, come on push Lisa!” the nurse ordered.

“Bitch I am pushing, aighhhh. This shit hurts!” I cried.

“Ma, come on! Push 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!” Juan yelled, while struggling to hold his phone.

“Put that fucking phone down. Who are you trying to call?” I screamed. Seeing how calm he was, it looked as if he’d been through this shit before.

“The baby’s head is almost crowning. Only a couple more pushes. You can do it,” the doctor said with assurance as he studied the monitor for another contraction.

I was glad his ass was confident because it felt like I was going to die. Never did I recall labor being this brutal. With Juan it also didn’t go this fast. I must’ve gone from zero to ten centimeters in less than an hour. It felt as if I was being punished by the Creator himself. The feeling of sharp pins and needles rushed through my stomach and extreme pressure lived between my legs. For some reason, I felt like the baby was determined to rip my insides apart. I just wanted it all to be over. I would’ve given anything to stop the excruciating pain.

I looked over at Juan. “Please help me.”

“Come on, Ma, focus,” Juan replied.

“Okay, here’s another contraction, come on push, Lisa. Let’s go 4-5-6-7-8-9-10,” the doctor coached.

Holding my breath, I began to push with all my strength until my vagina started burning. “Aighhhh it hurts!”

“Mrs. Sanchez, don’t stop pushing. Every time you stop, the baby goes back into the birth canal,” the doctor informed.

“Get it out!” I screamed.

I started to sweat profusely as my body shook uncontrollably. “Can you just cut it out? It hurts so bad, please can you put something in my I.V? Juan make them help me!” I begged.

“Mrs. Sanchez, your baby’s heart rate is starting to decline. We need you to deliver ASAP. To give you anything at this point can put the baby at even more risk. We have to deliver with as few complications as possible,” the doctor informed.

“Okay, here’s another one. Let’s make this one count Lisa. This is it. Push!” the nurse yelled.

The nurse was right. I wanted my baby to be okay, so I had to make this last push count. Not to mention, no matter what, I couldn’t lose the only thing I had left of Carlos. Right before holding my breath again, I said a quick prayer to myself. “Father God in the name of Jesus, I come to you with a humble heart. I promise you if my baby survives this, I will be the best mother I can be. I promise to leave the drugs alone, God, just please let my baby be okay. Oh, and please God let it be a boy too. In your name I pray…Aighhhhhh!”

It felt as if I was pushing him through a ring of fire. “Oh, my God!” I yelled one final time before the doctor finally pulled him out. The instant relief of pain consumed my entire body as I tried to control my rapid breathing. Watching the doctor suction out his nose and mouth, I placed my hand over my chest waiting for him to tell me the big news. He had a head full of hair, just like Carlos.

“It’s a girl!” the doctor announced as he cut the umbilical cord.

I immediately freaked out. Not only because he was a she, but also because there was no cry. Even when the doctor handed her off to the nurse, she still didn’t make a sound.

“Why isn’t my baby crying, what’s wrong with my baby?” I yelled. Finally after a few seconds, I heard a slight whimper. “What’s wrong with her?” I asked again. “Is she okay?”

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